Seeking for help and who to trust?
THE ROLE OF TRUST IN COACHING
The other day I was speaking with a dear friend, about many things but about seeking and asking for help in particular. From my perspective, I know that asking for help is only possible when you recognize you are struggling. Sometimes you find out yourself, other times it is someone close to you, a good friend or family member, who points out that they see you are not happy.
It starts with awareness
First, you need to accept that you need help, that awareness is a big step towards happiness. Asking for help is something else. More thoughts and beliefs will pop up, like:
🤯 ‘I have to do it myself.’
🤯 ‘Asking for help is weak.’
🤯 ‘What if others find out about it, what will they think?’
🤯 ‘I am struggling for such a long time, it must be too hard to change anything now’
🤯 ‘I need to be there for my family, I don’t have time to work on myself’
It is these beliefs that make life unnecessarily hard for you. These beliefs cause you to feel stuck. Believe me: you can overcome these, and that is part of your process.
The next step
WHO will you ask for help?
TRUST seems important, and if you ask me, it is a necessity, the number 1 condition to make the coaching a success.
You need trust: to feel safe, to open up, to feel comfortable enough to share the feelings en beliefs you were consciously and unconsciously hiding for a very long time.
What if you KNOW the person that can help you. When you DO TRUST her, BUT she is part of the community you are both in? Could she be TOO close? Would there be a risk of opening up and being judged? It might be scary to lower your guards and face your dark thoughts and feelings: sharing them with a person that knows you and your family as well, can feel like a big risk.
She would look at your husband or children with different eyes now? What if this would be a process that you would like to keep to yourself, and your coach mentions something in their presence?
Those FEELINGS are real. I am not going to deny that.
I get you
First of all, I am me, Inge as a person. I have different roles; partner, mother, sister, daughter, friend, auntie, etc. My professional role is one of coach, transformologist, motivator, and mediator.
I have been there
When one of our boys was struggling, I was there for him: I tried to help him and maybe even had my professional hat on at times. Soon enough, I realized that to be fully present as a mom, I needed to ask for professional help from someone else. It is hard to combine these rolls, if not impossible. Because I wanted the best for him, I reached out to someone whom I knew, was good at her work. To be completely honest: I have felt some frustration that my love and skills were not enough to help my son. On the other hand, I know that it is powerful to let someone in, that it takes courage to reach out and show your vulnerability. Even or especially when the one you are asking for help is a person you know.
to this insecurity, and feelings of putting yourself (or your dear ones’) ‘at risk’ doesn’t help. NOTHING will change.
You deny yourself the happiness of letting go, getting over issues, and allowing positive alternatives to become real.
Another important fact to keep in mind is that a coach has her professionality and her code of ethics. I’m sure she wouldn’t jeopardize her job. I definitely wouldn’t!
So, are you a woman?
A member of the same community I am in? Please do not deny yourself the opportunity to work together.
I am happy and confident to tell you that I worked with some members of this great community.
I am inviting you to get in touch, find out for yourself. No strings attached. An initial conversation to feel whether we have a click, and hear what I can do for you.
It all starts with you: give yourself a chance!
I am here when you are ready AND I am here for you when you are not there yet, but willing to explore.
Click here and you will hear from me soon!