Finding balance

It is tough to be a mother!!!

I have been a mother for about 8 years now. During this time, I have often found it difficult to be a working mother. How was I meant to juggle everything without dropping the ball? I’ve never been a circus act and I have never been one for juggling. I worked in mental healthcare. This might sound a bit stereotypical but I was surrounded by women of whom several were working mothers, just like me. It might be a real struggle now and then but we are always ready and standing strong – as flexible as possible for everyone around us!
From my own experience and from what I’ve noticed with clients and other working mothers in my surroundings, I can state that the same problems regularly resurface. In this blogpost, I will discuss:

FINDING BALANCE

Your life exists of nothing but tasks and responsibilities that you want to carry out perfectly. Meanwhile, you are walking over that tightrope with your hands full and it’s only when you fall that you notice the presence of a safety net. You didn’t see it earlier; you didn’t want to see it because just imagine having to ask for help – EEK!
Before you started having children, you knew one thing for sure – from that point on, I would no longer only take care of myself, but I would also care for another. How did it get this far? You would care for another but you wouldn’t care (enough) for yourself?

This could have to do with control issues. You carried your child for nine months and handled everything with the greatest care. Then the baby comes and you feel this urgent need and responsibility to do anything in your power to give this prized possession everything it needs. But… The question is: why do you always want to be in control? Is it because you know and do what’s best? Is it maybe because you find it hard to trust others? Control is a funny thing. We want it but at the same time we get angry or irritated when others leave it up to us! We don’t want to relinquish control because we find it difficult but others (often partners) are in the line of fire when they fail to contribute.

Is this recognisable?!

Control

Gives you certainty. The minute you do something yourself, you know THAT something is being done and HOW it’s being done. It can make you feel as though you have it all handled. (You can make adjustments when needed). You are up to speed and you could react immediately should there be any potential questions. You will also be able to avoid awkward surprises. You will have already weighed all the options against each other and there is very little you will not have already thought of.

BUT:

Control
Also ensures that you take on too much responsibility and that even more tasks end up filling your plate. You make yourself indispensable, which is why you stress out when it’s impossible for you do something yourself. A blind spot can emerge because you want to do things your way. (Like you’ve always been accustomed to.) You don’t see the other options out there. You find it difficult to relinquish control because then you can’t check whether something is being done, let alone how it’s being done. When you take everything for yourself, you deny someone else the chance to learn. You are not open for the unexpected and as a result you miss spontaneous surprises (with fun things!). And last but not least, the constant need for control is exhausting!

What happens to the others?

• You always take the initiative so why would anyone else come into action? (Habit.)
• You do things the way you think is best. Others don’t dare to take over in fear of not being able to meet your high expectations.
• No conversations take place about what BOTH OF YOU want and each will end up doing their own thing.
• Others don’t do anything because you haven’t clearly asked them to.
• To spontaneously surprise you? The others don’t even consider it because they think you might stress out over it.
• Others don’t know what to do anymore. They are going to lean further and further backwards because everything is getting done or they worry that you will suffer from the burden but won’t do anything because he or she doesn’t think they could do it right.

The consequences:

You will grow apart. There will be friction and you will get more annoyed at each other and will continuously find it harder to live in each other’s lives. Misunderstandings. It results in a lack of energy and at any given moment it will eliminate your desire to do fun things.
You’ll both long for the relationship you once had, when it was all still fun and games, when it was romantic and passionate…

What now?

Is there something you can do? Can you still turn back to tide and prevent a potential burnout or break-up?
Of course you can!
I will help you on your way with this TIP.

Balance

Balance the scales. It is important to realise exactly what drains your energy and what makes you so tired. On the other hand, also look at the things that make you happy, that relax you and energise you. What can you or both of you do to improve your situation?

Click HERE to learn how you can just do that

Do you:

have a problem with control and letting go?
not know what steps to take to get out of this situation?
Do you find it impossible to engage in a conversation with your partner, let alone improve anything?